Travelling with kids can be, well, definitely an experience! Let’s look at some examples that one will commonly encounter especially when you have parents travelling with young kids (read: birth to 10 years).
1. Young child excited about first trip abroad enters the airplane and starts pulling the mother towards the inside of the aircraft all the while asking nonstop questions,
• 'Where is our seat mom?'
• ‘Check for 23’,
• ‘Where is 23?’
• ‘After 22?’
• ‘Where is 22?’
• ‘Check for the seat number.’
• ‘Where are the seat numbers?
• ‘Check for the seat number.’
• ‘Where….?’
… And it goes on.
2. Young toddler wailing as he does not want to wear the seat belt. Both parents cajoling, "See daddy is also wearing the seat belt." Takes a whole 30 minutes of cajoling, threatening, bribing before the kids wears the seat belt.
3. Kid wants to run around in the aisle and go greeting all passengers. Parents are heard whispering veiled threats through clenched teeth. No impact on kid. Sounds familiar?
4. Version 2 of the same kid wants to run up and down the aisle and eat from others food tray while refusing to eat from his own. Parents have a ‘why did I have a child’ expression on their face. Mother now holds the child and gives a soft (read: clutching the upper arm of the child in a vice like grip) shake and threatens dire consequences on landing or uses the airhostess as a threat, ‘she will take you to the police if you don’t stop doing that and sit down.’
5. Announcement at Heathrow and other international airports, "Parents are requested not to allow their kids to play on or near the escalator or walk ways, this is for their safety."
6. Snacks commonly seen with kids during travel- chocolates, wafers, soft drinks. “What to do he just won’t listen, so I only allow while we are traveling.” (read: traveling as any ride in a car, bus, train, plane)
The above is a common scenario with kids especially during travel. So what is the secret mantra to use if you want to avoid or at least reduce the above tensions of travelling with kids. The secret is in understanding the brain development of children. The only difference between us humans and apes is the presence of the ‘thinking brain’ or ‘prefrontal cortex’ that makes us human and the others, well, apes! So if your kid is behaving like a little monkey, the clue is right there for you. Maybe you need to give her some information and ‘appeal to her thinking brain.’ It’s easy if you try and will become easier with practice. So instead of kids asking us ‘are we there yet?’ let’s ask ourselves, ‘are we there yet, in understanding our kids?’
Let’s see how the above examples could have turned out differently if we use our knowledge of child development and how the ‘little’ brain works:
1. Children’s brain thrives on routine and needs to be prepared for the next activity, so while entering the plane the mother could have said, “Our seat number is 23 and this is seat number one, so why don’t we count and we will stop when we reach 23.” Because if you are going to tell the child to look up for the seat numbers then your child will be constantly tripping, stumbling and falling while looking up.
2. Young toddlers who have never been on an airplane need to be prepared for the same, days in advance. You need to talk about what will be part of the journey. An involved parent who is a keen observer of the child will also know the points that can lead the child to have a tantrum so it is important to have talked to the child beforehand that, “We will be sitting in a plane, it is like a car and like cars have seatbelts so do planes. The pilot wants us to be safe so we will put on our seat belts.” The child’s reluctance to put on a seat belt also shows that the parents have never ever spoken about seat belts, even while in a car. Because a child used to wearing seatbelts would not have found it so difficult.
3. Making an agreement with kids is a better way to ensure socially acceptable behavior. So before boarding a plane, have your mutual agreement of dos and don'ts in place. It sounds complex but it is very easy because if kids know what to expect they are better behaved. Young children especially need boundaries set firmly and informed to them.
4. Threatening kids never works, you are in fact increasing fears in your child and this can rebound on you by kids starting bed wetting, nail biting etc. as you have now introduced the concept of fear in your child. Threats also make the kids brain give only three reactions- Fight (where they fight back and repeat their tantrum) Flight (they run away from you) and Freeze (they stop listening to you).
5. Isn’t it sad that airports have to guide parents to keep their kids safe?
6. Sugar, salt and food with additives increases hyper activity in children. So yes a box of chips or a bar of chocolate will keep them quiet while they are eating it but then you will have double the activity! Most parents feed kids a lot of salt and sugar at the airport and by the time the child has boarded the plane, he is raring to go! So, for every chip, a carrot stick, for every chocolate bite a fruit slice. And absolutely no colas, lots of water for kids, it will help give them hydration during the flight and they will get their movement up and down the toilet.
Having kids is not the goal, it is the beginning of a beautiful journey. The goal is raising them to be happy, healthy people, and that is what every parent should aim for. Let’s ask ourselves often, “Are we there yet?”
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